hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
