I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
