??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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