How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
