I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
