I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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