Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
