woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
