maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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