By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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