Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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