So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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