Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got inside last night via doggy door
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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