For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
