His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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