I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize