Im at strip club and am horny
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
