I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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