god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
