I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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