do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
