I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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