Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
