i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
