So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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