I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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