Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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