PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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