lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
