can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
