just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
