i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize