The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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