do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
