Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
