His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
