By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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