Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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