Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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