They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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