She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
