Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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