I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
