i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
