I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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