went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
