I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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