the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
