Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
