i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
