i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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