just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
