My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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