my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
