The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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