My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
