Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
