There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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