you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
