i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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