She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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