Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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