I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you never un-have a 4some
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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