so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
