dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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