can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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