Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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