I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
