I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
