You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
