eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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