Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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