You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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