We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
