I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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