My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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