who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
