Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
