I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize