I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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