so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
