Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
