when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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