wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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