Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize