Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
