She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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