i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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