the condom got lost in my hair
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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