he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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