I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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