i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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