Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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