he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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