Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
