I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
