is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dick very happy bro
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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