Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh god it's open bar.
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