i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
