Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
