and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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