My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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